Recipe: Roasted Artichokes (Gluten-Free + Vegan)

A post about roasted artichokes is comically banal following last week’s heavy hitter regarding mental illness and homelessness as it pertains to my brother, Alex.

I’d just like to say how grateful I am for the support I received in regards to that last post. It took a full, painful week to write and, with my mental illness-informed workday, I was often hammering at the keys and staring at the screen until three or four in the morning. For me, those are the worst hours. It was arduous and awful.

I often feel lonely, mentally, and trapped in my own head. My brain feels helplessly impermeable. I’m stuck inside of it hating myself and others are stuck outside of it wondering how I could feel that way about their friend, Bailey. For me to be successful in getting something so intimate and hard to capture in words out into the world, helping people feel connected to others like them, is about all I could hope for.

So, I’ll keep doing my best to take care of myself so I can take care of others. It’s not a martyrdom, but a motivation. Making someone else feel less alone alleviates my loneliness, too.

Thanks, again.


These roasted artichokes are a simple, sightly side to add to any dinner. They look sophisticated AF on a a dining room table.

Ingredients

4 large artichokes, stems and top 1″ removed
1/4 c fresh lemon juice
1/4 c olive oil
4 garlic cloves, peeled
sea salt, to taste
~3 T Earth Balance butter

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 425° F.
  2. Place artichokes stem-side down in a bowl and separate the leaves slightly with your hands.
  3. Drizzle artichokes with lemon juice and olive oil.
  4. Insert a knife blade into the center of each artichoke and (carefully) wiggle around* until you’ve created a space big enough to push in a garlic clove. Press one garlic clove into the center of each artichoke.
  5. Finally, generously season each artichoke with sea salt.
  6. Tightly wrap each artichoke twice with aluminum foil.
  7. Place foil-wrapped artichokes in a baking dish and bake for an hour and 20 minutes.
  8. Remove from oven and allow artichokes to cool for about ten minutes before carefully removing foil. Then cool further, about another ten minutes, so you don’t burn your friends. Or enemies. Why’d you invite your enemies to dinner?
  9. About ten minutes before serving, melt butter over low in a saucepan before pouring into small bowls for individual dipping.

*”Wiggling a knife around” is a delicate technique I learned at Le Cordon Bleu Paris

lovely

Something I love about this recipe is not only that it’s low-maintenance to prepare, but you then get to pop it into the oven and essentially have an hour and a half to work on other items. I find timing out the preparation for a hosted dinner to be just short of rocket science. Everything should be as warm and fresh as possible, and this recipe makes it all a bit more manageable. After a while your loved ones are gonna be like “Why do we get artichokes every time we have dinner at [Bailey]’s house?” and that’s when you tell them, “Listen up assholes, this is actually my in-laws’ house. And…” (I don’t have the rest if the retort planned out yet). Then bring out the red velvet cake. Which they also always get served at your house.

If you get really into artichoke roasting, there are fancy accoutrements like this butter warmer or these artichoke servers or this artichoke plate, the latter of which I frankly don’t understand but… enjoy!

Serves four.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 8/10
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: ?/10 He was in NYC and I was in Texas when I made this, but I have a feeling that, with his twelve year old palate, it’d be a solid… 1/10 for Rick.

Adapted from Simply Roasted Artichokes.

Related on Bummed Out Baker: 
Roasted Garlic Lemon Broccoli
Roasted Beets and Sweets
Parmesan Garlic Orzo (Gluten-Free + Vegetarian)


Subscribe at the bottom of Bummed Out Baker to get my mental health musings and recipes emailed to you directly – Follow on Facebook for mental health articles and discussion – Follow on Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

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Recipe: Strawberry Shortcake + Coconut Whipped Cream (Vegan)

I knocked it outta the park with this one. The carnivores love it, too.

tastes even better than it looks

Ingredients

3/4 c coconut milk
1 T apple cider vinegar
1 t vanilla extract, divided
1 c flour
1 scant cup almond flour
2 T cornstarch
3 T sugar, plus a few pinches more for topping
1/2 t sea salt
2 t baking powder
3 T coconut oil, plus a bit more for brushing onto shortbread
1 lb strawberries, hulled and sliced
1 14 oz can full fat coconut milk, refrigerated overnight
3/4 c powdered sugar

scant cup of almond flour

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 400°F and lightly grease a baking sheet. Set aside.
  2. In a measuring cup, stir together coconut milk, apple cider vinegar, and 1/2 t vanilla. Let it sit for a few minutes, allowing it to curdle.
  3. Add flour, almond flour, cornstarch, sugar, sea salt, and baking powder to a large mixing bowl and whisk to combine. Add the coconut oil and use a spatula to mash and break it up into the flour mixture.
  4. Add about 3/4 c coconut milk mixture to the dry mixture and stir to combine into a semi-sticky dough. Note that you may not use all of the coconut milk mixture (I used all but 1 T). If mixture looks too dry, add more coconut milk 1 T at a time. If it looks too wet, add more flour 1 T at a time. Err on the side of too wet.
  5. Transfer dough to a well-floured surface and dust the top with a bit flour. Handling dough as little as possible, form it into about a 1″ thick pancake with your hands. Using a well-floured biscuit cutter, cookie cutter, or narrow drinking glass (what I used), cut out circles and transfer them carefully to the baking sheet. Arrange shortcakes so they touch (see photo).
  6. Reform leftover dough as needed until all is used, making about seven shortcakes.
  7. Butter tops of shortcakes with melted coconut oil and sprinkle each with cane sugar.
  8. Bake 15 minutes, until beginning to brown slightly. Increase heat to 450°F and bake for another three minutes. Be careful not to burn.
  9. When done, remove shortcakes from oven and let cool five minutes. Then, separate shortcakes and move to a plate so they can better cool. It’s okay if they’re a bit warm when serving.
  10. While shortcakes are cooling, put a large mixing bowl into the fridge for ten minutes in preparation for the whipped cream.
  11. Being careful not to tip or shake, remove can of coconut milk from the fridge. Scrape out the thickened cream that has risen to the top into the chilled mixing bowl and save the liquid for another recipe.
  12. Beat solidified coconut milk until creamy, about 30 seconds. Add remaining 1/2 t vanilla and powdered sugar and whip until creamy and smooth, about one minute.
  13. To serve, slice shortcakes in half and top with coconut whipped cream and a generous serving of sliced strawberries.

The biscuits (let’s be honest, that’s what they really look like) and refrigerated strawberries will last in airtight containers for a few days, but that whipped cream is a like a fine wine and stays good for a couple weeks.

Serves six normies or three wild dessert eaters.

Bummed Out Bailey Rating: 10/10
Rick-the-Meat-Eater Rating: ?/10 (he’s in NYC, I’m in Texas)

Adapted from Vegan Gluten-Free Strawberry Shortcake and Coconut Whipped Cream.

Related on Bummed Out Baker: 
Strawberries Romaoff (Gluten-Free + Raw + Vegan)
Strawberry Cake
Velvet Cake


Subscribe at the bottom of Bummed Out Baker to get my mental health musings and recipes emailed to you directly – Follow on Facebook for mental health articles and discussion – Follow on Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Recipe: Kale / Brussels Sprouts Caesar Salad (Gluten-Free + Paleo + Vegan)

Hello people, I hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend. This week’s recipe is a healthy take on a classic Caesar salad packed with protein, iron, omegas 3 and 6, and some iodine. It’s not complicated, but it does require either a food processor or blender to make the crumble and dressing. It works great as a main dish or as a side with some Italian food! Enjoy.

Ingredients

1/2 c raw almonds

1/4 c + 1 1/2 t hulled hemp seeds

3 T nutritional yeast
2 t paprika

Himalayan pink salt
 (or regular sea salt) to taste
1/2 avocado, pitted and peeled

1 garlic clove

2 T + 1/3 c olive oil

2 T fresh lemon juice

1 1/2 T dijon mustard


1 1/2 t chia seeds

1/2 t dulse granules*
fresh ground pepper to taste
2 lb brussels sprouts, trimmed and thinly sliced or shredded
5 oz container baby kale

Lemon wedges for serving


*Dulse is a red seaweed that kind of tastes like… bacon. It’s a great source of iodine. This is the kind I use.

clockwise from top: chia seeds, paprika, dulse granules, Himalayan pink salt, freshly ground pepper
hulled hemp seeds

Instructions

  1. In a food processor or small blender, pulse almonds
, 1/4 c hulled hemp seeds
, 2 T nutritional yeast, paprika
, and sea salt 
until mixture resembles fine crumbs.
  2. Transfer crumble to a small bowl, set aside, and wipe out food processor.
  3. In food processor, puree 1 1/2 t hulled hemp seeds
, 1 T nutritional yeast, 1/2 avocado, garlic
, 2 T olive oil
, 2 T lemon juice
, 1 1/2 T dijon mustard
, 
1 1/2 t chia seeds
, 1/2 t dulse granules, sea salt, and fresh ground pepper.
  4. Transfer dressing to a small bowl, set aside, and rinse out food processor. I promise this is the last time.
  5. Preheat oven to 450°F. In a large bowl, toss brussels sprouts with 1/3 c olive oil, sea salt, and pepper. Spread brussels sprouts on two rimmed baking sheets and roast for about ten minutes. Remove from oven and let cool slightly.
  6. In a large bowl, toss brussels sprouts with kale, dressing, and crumble.
  7. Serve with lemon wedges.
crumble
dressing
rinsed, trimmed, and ready to roll
crisp in some places, still tender in others is what you’re going for

Serves 4-6.

Adapted from Kale–and–Brussels Sprout Caesar Salad
.


Subscribe at the bottom of Bummed Out Baker to get my mental health musings and recipes emailed to you directly – Follow on Facebook for mental health articles and discussion – Follow on Instagram for behind-the-scenes panic attacks and my begrudging, meat-eating husband captured in the wild.

If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Recipe: Roasted Garlic Lemon Broccoli

I promise I will lay off the broccoli for a while after this week – I know you’re probably over there like Is this Bummed Out Baker or Bummed Out Broccoli, amirite? But if you are in fact like oh waw I love broccoli, here’s another recipe: Shredded Broccoli Salad. I just like it a bunch.

Keeping with last week’s theme of super easy, quick, and tasty, here’s a way to revitalize your roasted broccoli go-to.

Ingredients

2 heads of broccoli, chopped into florets of similar size
2 t olive oil
1 t sea salt
1 t black pepper
2-3 garlic cloves, minced
1 T lemon juice

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
  2. Toss broccoli, oil, salt, pepper, and garlic together in a large bowl.
  3. Spread broccoli in an even layer on a baking sheet.
  4. Bake for 15-20 minutes, depending on the size of your florets (longer for bigger). Remove from oven and transfer to a serving bowl.
  5. Squeeze lemon juice over broccoli before serving.
  6. Optional: top broccoli with lemon zest for extra tang.

Serves four as a side dish.

Adapted from Roasted Garlic Lemon Broccoli.


Subscribe at the bottom of Bummed Out Baker to get new recipes emailed to you every Monday – Follow on Facebook for mental health articles and discussion – Follow on Instagram for more food pics, behind-the-scenes, and my begrudging meat-eating husband captured in the wild.