If living with mental illness is a struggle for you today, I have a piece of positivity to offer.
On my good days I find a stockpile of gratitude waiting for me because I know how dark things can get. I was just there, after all. While I wouldn’t wish having those dark thoughts on anyone, the payback of them is rich. When I come out of a dark headspace, it’s like the black and white to technicolor transition in the Wizard of Oz. When things are bad, and then they’re suddenly not, I find myself with a hyper-awareness of good.
While constantly considering my mortality is exhausting, it also manifests in all kinds of ways. I’m grateful for my physical mobility. I find myself with a wealth of mercy for people acting in any undesirable way, because life is short I have no idea what they’re going through. I feel fortunate to have such comforting, sweet-tempered golden retrievers, because dogs are an expensive luxury. I admire all the people who’ve shown me grace, supported me, taught me things, and have loved me when I wasn’t very lovable. I think about how grateful I am for a comfy bed and a safe, quiet place for me to sleep in peace.
When I’m mentally gridlocked, thinking of these things is like pushing on a button that doesn’t work. I’m numb. If that sounds like you, just know that when you emerge from the other side, and you will, you’ll have the stockpile.
It may not seem like much, but us mentally ill folk have got to stick together and take what we can get! And we get the stockpile.
Whenever I get a song stuck in my head I start to list the things I’m grateful for instead and it always does the trick to get the song out. With that being said…
Fun fact! Did you know that “Bug A Boo” by Destiny’s Child, a song in regards to an overbearing romantic interest, can also be applied to mental illness?
You make me wanna throw my pager out the window“Bug A Boo” by Destiny’s Child
Tell MCI to cut the phone calls
Break my lease so I can move
Cause you a bug a boo, a bug a boo
I wanna put your number on the call block
Have AOL make my email stop
Cause you a bug a boo
You buggin’ what? You buggin’ who? You buggin’ me!
And don’t you see it ain’t cool
I would say “you’re welcome”, but the true accolades go to Kandi Burruss for her multi-faceted lyricism.
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If you or someone you know needs help right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.